Directed by 13 untalented or uncaring for-hire directors, Starring I am presuming 43 actors who got paid $1600 for 2 day shoots

0 of 10

I don’t usually agree with the Razzies. That’s fine. They’re joke awards. But as a person who sits through a lot of bad movies, I’m not a fan of the populist approach that the committee has towards their winners. The Worst Picture award will most often go to the worst blockbuster. In 2013, that did not happen. “Movie 43” came out in January and struggled at the box office. It was, however, the worst film to come out in 2013. It would be giving it too much credit to call it offensive or repulsive. That’s what the movie wants to be. It is just unfunny. It is boring, and it tries too hard, but most of all it is unfunny.

First I’d like to talk about the making of the film, because it is far more interesting than the film itself. Producer Peter Farrelly met Hugh Jackman at a wedding sometime in 2009, and the two became friends. As a favor to Farrelly, Jackman agreed to make a test skit of about 5 minutes with his friend Kate Winslet. From there, Farrelly had a sales pitch that sounded enticing to Hollywood A-listers. Celebrities only had to work on the film for 2 days, with the production waiting up to 4 years for some people to become available. Targeted celebrities were allowed to control the shooting of their segment, picking their friends and sometimes relatives to make it. That first segment also acted as a clincher. Obviously the movie cannot be that bad if it has Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet, right? And thus “Movie 43” was born, as 13 cameo heavy comedy sketches over 80 minutes loosely tied together by what some analysts may choose to call a “plot”, although I would dispute that claim. If it matters, I am reviewing the unrated version, which has all of the same sketches as the theatrical release but features a different story to tie them together. Instead of a distressed writer pitching bad ideas to a producer, a couple of kids play a prank on their brother by lying about a mythical Movie 43, which actually is real, and brings the apocalypse by the end. The original story could not possibly be worse than the unrated one.

Nearly every sketch revolves around intense vulgarity and toilet humor. To name a few, Hugh Jackman has testicles for a chin, Chris Pratt poops on Anna Farris (“poops”, not “shits”, as the movie feels the need to point out), Chloe Grace Moretz has her first period, Batman makes fun of Robin’s genitals and sets him up for a gay kiss, Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant play a game of truth or dare that ends in many sexual acts, a naked robot has a fan in her vagina that cuts off the penises of men, and a cat urinates on Elizabeth Banks. If that sounds like a fun time, I have no idea what to say to you. Every single joke is about sex, race, or feces. All of them. It’s just constant shock humor, and surprise, 80 consecutive minutes of shock humor is not shocking. It becomes bland after time, because you expect a lame joke about pissing on people, and become disappointed in the human race when that’s exactly what you get.

Being sketch comedy, it might be unfair to expect things like plot or characters, but the movie is so lazy about those things that I have to take notice and criticize it. The linking between the segments is awful. The boys look through online videos, and every video is a different segment. It seems very obvious that the idea of linking the sketches at all was tacked on at the very end.

To say anything else about “Movie 43” is a waste of my time. This movie is not bad in an entertaining way. This movie is not bad in an interesting way. This movie is bad in a way that made me realize that when humans die out, we will have deserved it.